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Saturday, May 7, 2011

If I only get to have one, then I am so blessed to have her be the one…

Before I became a mom I always just kind of thought that I wouldn’t become one; it wasn’t all that important to me in my 20s and then when it was important in my 30s I got sick and my body had been through so much that I just didn’t think it would happen. So when we learned I was pregnant at 36 it was über-unexpected and spectacularly momentous.

After giving birth to a picture-perfect baby, wanton hubris set in and I totally thought it would happen again. Honestly believed that if it happened once it would happen again. Well, here we are 4 years later and it didn’t. I grieve that loss on a regular basis since being witness to how amazing Iz is, it only makes me want to have more children. Selfish, I know, but true nonetheless. Most parents adore and lavish praise on their offspring, and I always wondered before how this could be since let’s face it, not all kids or people are perfect and wonderful. But now I totally understand: we think our kids are great because they have the qualities we admire. If we think being creative, musical, funny, well-mannered and polite is important, then we develop those traits and talents in our children. Thus, we appreciate and love them even more than we imagined we could when we see the fruits of our labor. Conversely, if you do not love all the characteristics of your child, well, you are partly to blame since you have allowed those traits to take root and grow. Looking at Isabelle who is a typical pre-schooler and makes mistakes and tests my patience, she is truly amazing. I marvel at who she is and what she is capable of every day. I wonder what her future holds. I wonder how she would be as a big sister and fear we will never know.

On this, the eve of the 4th Mother’s Day we will celebrate, though, I am perfectly content. Content knowing that if I only get to have one, then I am so lucky to have Isabelle be the one. I thank God every day we have each other, what a blessing. Happy Mother’s Day.

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